Let’s Talk About Sex

It is entirely possible that Australia doesn’t need even one more word written or printed on the “Matthew Johns sex scandal that has rocked Australia and the NRL”… but here goes anyway…

For the past week, Australia has been talking about sex. We have been talking about it on TV and in the newspapers, we have been talking about it at home and at work, and we’ve been talking about it at the footy and at the shops. And what interesting conversations they have been. The two issues that stick in my mind are firstly, the importance of consent when it comes to sex (and what consent actually means); and secondly, the appropriateness of group sex.

So, what does consent in sex mean? Does consent mean only that someone hasn’t said no, or more that they have given their clear yes? It seems to me that sex and our sexuality is too precious a part of our own personhood and existence to not be sure in any way that all parties have agreed to be involved as a bare minimum standard! Maybe the deeper question is actually what is sex and what does it mean to the people involved? I wonder if people who go out on a Saturday night looking for sex in a place where they know there will be drinks, maybe drugs and footballers, have a high opinion of the preciousness of sex beyond how it felt, how long it lasted and who it was with. Can a low view of sex lead anywhere but eventually to pain, tears and dissatisfaction?

Regardless of what sex means for people, it is clear that the community is rallying around the idea that people need to be sure consent has been given, and not even footballers will be off the hook when it comes to the community’s mediocre standard on this. But will it be enough to stop dodgy sexual practices in football circles? As Phil Gould said on the Footy Show last week, the NRL has had multiple “wake up calls” in relation to its warped sexual culture but the incidents of sexual conquest and degradation continues. A judge recently accused a footballer of another code of thinking that he was some kind of Titan, beyond the law and the standards of behaviour that others in the community were expected to live by. My goodness, could it be true that there are hundreds of footballers of various codes out there moving through the world with that kind of attitude, particularly towards women? It is literally a time to "lock up your daughters"!

Group sex has not in my memory had such negative press, even though it has probably never been a mainstream or approved practice by many people in the community - more something that might be tittered about in a conversation or put up in a movie as some kind of rare , mountain top sexual experience for the sexual kings and queens among us. But as Phil Gould said (Yes, I know... I can’t believe I’ve quoted him once, yet twice. But I must admit I was quietly impressed by some of the things he did say on the Footy Show), as soon as a few footy blokes walked into the room that night, it was going to end in tears. Even Vossy backed up the idea that group sex would be considered by many to be a practice not looked highly upon by the majority of people in society. (Thank God for football commentators - is there nothing they don't know?)...

Another media commentator encouraged readers to imagine the scene of up to a dozen men in a dark room gathered around their team mates while they watched others having sex, masturbating, lining up to have their turn with one lone 19 year old girl. I must admit, to me it was a powerful picture of degradation of both women and sex itself. Did she say no? Did she feel like she could in that situation? Who had the power in that room? And whose responsibility was it to make sure that things were okay for her?

“Just say NO!” – good luck in that situation…

The Bible talks about sex as being something precious for people to share in a marriage relationship, and deviations from this don’t mix well with the magic and power of sex, and are against God’s intentions for it. Many Christians would see sex as something special to be shared with their life partner, something that is designed to give pleasure to the other person, in the context of their love for each other. At its core is the love and respect of the other person; their wellbeing and their pleasure. So, while the community is discussing the values of consent and questioning the appropriateness of group sex, there are some deeper questions, considerations and opinions that could be thrown into the mix to lead the conversation down deeper paths.

These have been good discussions to have, but we have a long way to go…

Shalom

To view the Four Corners report, click here . To view the A Current Affair report, click here . To view The Footy Show report, click here .